The life of an introvert is a mysterious and whimsical thing. It’s a life of imagination and deep musings. I quite enjoy being an introvert. It’s a fact I’ve enjoyed by myself my whole life. So, perhaps it’s not surprising that it wasn’t until now, my 25th year of age, that I discovered a whole new type of friendship I didn’t know existed or even that such a thing could exist:
The ne’er meet again friends. The friends you meet up with once in order to not be alone but have no plans to ever meet again. People that unique circumstances put together…like concerts or solo traveling…and that said circumstances disband. I think Aristotle would call them friendships of utility.
Before last week, this type of friendship held no attraction for me. Talking to people takes energy, so much energy. So, why would I expend energy on people I didn’t intend to see again? Well, it just so happens that I went on a trip to attend IU’s (Korean singer) Chicago concert last week. I was alone and didn’t want to be. And so, I took to the internet and experienced ne’er meet again friends for the first time.
So, what did I think?
When the Solo Concert-Goer Doesn’t Want to be Alone…
I never intended to go to this concert alone. Even though IU is not super well known in the US, I have two friends who are fans, as well as a handful of acquaintances who are casual listeners. They had all been hesitant to commit, but I was ready to dole out heavy doses of persuasion once I had the tickets. What if she never comes back to the US? The concert will be amazing! Plus, we’ll add a Chicago trip to the mix! I was ready to beg, bribe, and perhaps even threaten except… ticketing was just as stressful as Taylor Swift’s had been and I failed to get more than one ticket. My friends were spared and I was going to the concert alone.
No matter. It’s not like I was going to take my eyes off the stage, after all. The actual concert experience would be just the same with or without friends. The pre- and post-concert experience, on the other hand…who was I going to fangirl with before the concert? Who was going to discuss with me what the best outfit was or what our favorite song was? Introvert though I may be, I still wanted to share these experiences with someone. So, I turned to the internet.
…You meet strangers on the internet
A year or two ago, when my sister and mother got tired of hearing about the random Korean star I liked, I typed IU into the discord search bar and discovered hundreds of people who loved her too. In fact, most of them are way more committed to her than I am. I mean, I admire her and respect her, but have never felt any need to know the exact dates of each of her releases or to discuss whether she looks better with blond of black hair. She inspires me, but I’ve never wanted to infringe on her privacy or go digging for more information. I’m content with whatever pops up on my Youtube and Instagram.
The discord is always happily trucking, but as the day of the concert grew nearer and nearer, the concert channel was abuzz. What is everyone wearing? Where is everyone sitting? Is anyone else staying at this hotel? Oh my gosh, I’m so excited!
And then it was the day before. Everyone was giving updates on their flights and all of a sudden, there were hangout plans. And that’s how I found myself on a Chicago train heading for 5 rabanitos to have dinner with 15 strangers. 15 strangers whose discord nicknames of cherriesandpeaches and IUfan4life gave no indication of age or gender.
I mean, I had a rough idea about age. I didn’t think 16 year-olds would be giving tips on how to book flights with credit card miles, and IU’s fan base is on the younger side (though not everyone! Check out Grandpa UAENA). But I had no clear idea on gender. I wasn’t about to have dinner with 15 fanboys, right?
Luckily, as soon as I arrived at the restaurant, my fears were quickly put to rest. Everyone was around my age and we were a pretty even 1:1 girl/guy ratio.
We got to chatting
Once five of us were gathered outside, we headed into the restaurant. There was a little confusion when the waitress asked us for the name of the reservation and we all looked around, making eye contact with each other for the first time, to see if anyone actually knew sirbroccoli or at least what his real name was. No one did. The waitress laughed along with us and we sat at the table. We started chatting and though I don’t quite remember the content of the conversation, it was filled with laughter and shared excitement for next day’s concert. And strangely enough, they did not feel like strangers.
Though they were strangers, the archetypes were familiar
Everyone knows the high school stereotypes. There’s the cool kids, the goth kids, the nerdy kids, the band kids, the kids that instigate rebellion…Somehow or other, it seems that all high schoolers fall neatly into these categories and as adults we can say oh yeah, I was one of the nerdy ones, and everyone nods with understanding. What I discovered this trip is that said categories exist for adults too. There’s the organizers, the socially inadept, the performer, the listener, the couples…
At dinner, we had the organizer. The guy who had put in the reservation and talked loudly enough for both ends of the table to hear. We had the socially inadept, who was keeping the entire discord channel updated on dinner while never once making eye contact with anyone. The performer who was showing off her fan shirts to the table. And the couples who were having their own private dinner within the group.
I didn’t know these people. Yet, the atmosphere was familiar. It was a social mold I had experienced many times before and I knew where I fit in. As the listener, intrigued by everyone’s different life experiences and occasionally asking follow up questions when we hit an interesting topic.
I didn’t need to know them to enjoy their presence
Subverting my previous understanding of friendships, I found that it didn’t matter that I had no intention of ever seeing these people again or that we hadn’t dived into deep, personal matters. Maybe I’m becoming an extrovert. Or perhaps I’m an introvert who’s only now learning how to enjoy people in the short-term. It’s a skill I intend to continue honing on my upcoming solo trip to Korea! Subscribe to hear all about the trip!
I had never realized that artists could bring people together in true community like this…It gives me an even greater appreciation for IU. Not only has her music brought me personal comfort and joy, but she has also given me a community I belong in. And if you’d like to experience said community, then let me introduce you to some IU music. You might fall for her just like so many of us already have.
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